I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
