Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
