What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
