you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
