She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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