So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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