Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
