I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
