Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
