apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
