...so i touched it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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