You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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