Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
