Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
