His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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