Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
