i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
