I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
