The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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