So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
