I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
