I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
