Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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