Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
