I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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