hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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