why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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