My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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