Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
