Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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