so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
