Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
