I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize