He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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