Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
