Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
