hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
