If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
