Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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