he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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