Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
