im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
