They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
