the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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