Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
