My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
