Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
