a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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