I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
