Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
