When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
