haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
