$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
