oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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