That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
