the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
