you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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