how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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