he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
