I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
