You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
