mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
