Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
