So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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