I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
