I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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