what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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